I was watching a video by the amazingly douchebagish who's known for making fun of people (example: he found a video of a person giving up life, reuploaded it to his channel and laughed at it). He's been defending himself now and described who he is and who he wants to be. But to seem to make up for it he asked questions that just got me thinking.

"So I want you people to tell me, I want you to tell me who you think you are, and who you want to be"

The person that I think I am is very weak, and it sucks admit that but I do, the person I think I am has some sort of love complex where
he feels he has to be loved by someone at all times because if he's not loved by someone he's not loved by anyone at all. And I always feel
like I dive into things too fast and that I'm head first into something and I throw myself into the wolves and I give myself to them. Often times I feel uneducated and stupid, and I don't understand why anyone would listen to anything I say, and it makes me not want to say anything at all, because it makes me feel like I'm not qualified anymore, like I have no confidence left. And I really do feel like that's bleeding on into the person that I really am
because all of a sudden no one wants to hang out with me and I don't really have much to do, so I just sit here and make shit all day all by myself. And I don't really know what to do with that, I don't really know where to go, I don't know how to stop the flood, it's always there it's always present.

I'd like to know who I really was ya know? Because I can tell you who I really am, but it's essentially pointless, what I think I am is irrelevent.
It's what everyone else thinks I am, that's what defines character right? How other people perceives the character. That's hard to deal with, the
realization that even if you're not alone you're still alone. So maybe I should extend your question by asking one, what do you think I am? I'm
interested to know how people perceive me. Tell me what you think of me.

And who do I want to be, that's a good question because if you would've asked me that question awhile ago I would've said that I want to be alone, that I wanted to be independant, and that I wanted to be free, that part of it is still true. But now I just mostly want to be free from myself. Now I kinda want to be who I wanted to be then, I want to want to be independant. Not lonely but some form of solitude run by myself. But that's not what I want, what I want to be is someone that doesn't take no for an answer from somebody that they love, I want love to mean something to me again. I want to believe in something, that people aren't apparently bad, I want to think that all of this struggle will be worth it. But the days get harder and people keep dying and people start saying things they don't mean that you can't escape from and where does it go from there ya know? What I want to be is content, I want to be happy, I want to be good looking, I want to look at myself and think that human being is attractive. I want to be everything I'm not right now, and that's the hardest thing to deal with is being everything you don't want to be and not being able to fix it.

So for the few people that actually pay attention to me on here, who do you think I am, like how do you perceive me a person?